SmijSe.com ~ Engleski

Using your wife

A man received a message from his neighbour: “Sorry sir, I am using your wife, day and night, when you are not present at home. In fact, much more than you do… I confess this now because I am feeling very much guilty. I hope you will accept my sincere apologies.” The man shot the […]
> > >

Pendulum

A lady hypnotised the whole audience in a hall with a pendulum. Suddenly, the pendulum fell down, and she said “Oh! Fuck!” Imagine the mess after that.
> > >

Magician

A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The audience would be different each week, so the magician allowed himself to do the same tricks over and over again. There was only one problem: The captain’s parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician did every trick. […]
> > >

Prostitute

A guy is hanging out in his favorite bar when he spots a fabulous babe walking in on the arm of some ugly schlep. He asks the bartender about her and is surprised to discover that she’s a prostitute. He watches her the rest of the night, amazed that someone so attractive could be available […]
> > >

Rolex

A Greek parks his brand new Porsche in front of the office to show it off to his colleagues.
> > >

Tom

An airplane takes off from the airport. The captain is Jewish and the First Officer is Chinese.
> > >

Mother Nature’s Punishment

Two friends went out golfing and their tee shots were horrible. One guy hit it way left, the other way right. They decided that the shots were so bad that they’d just meet up at the hole. So the first guy looks and looks and finally finds his ball sitting down deep in a field […]
> > >

Peanuts

One night a man and a woman were watching television and eating peanuts. And he was tossing them in the air and catching them with his mouth. And in the middle of catching one, the wife asked him a question. He turned his head and the peanut fell straight in his ear. They tried and […]
> > >

Love dress

A woman stopped by unannounced at her recently married son’s house. She rang the doorbell and walked in. She was shocked to see her daughter-in-law­ lying on the couch, totally naked. Soft music was playing and the aroma of perfume filled the room. “What are you doing?” she asked. “I’m waiting for my husband to […]
> > >

Marine

By the time a Marine pulled into a little town, every hotel room was taken. “You’ve got to have a room somewhere,” he pleaded. “Or just a bed, I don’t care where.” “Well, I do have a double room with one occupant, a Navy guy,” admitted the manager, “and he might be glad to split […]
> > >

Speeding

A driver is pulled over by a policeman. The police man approaches the driver’s door. “Is there a problem Officer?” The policeman says, “Sir, you were speeding. Can I see your licence please?” The driver responds, “I’d give it to you but I don’t have one.” “You don’t have one?” The man responds, “I lost […]
> > >

The Assignment

A little boy came home from school and his homework assignment was to find out what the difference was between hypothetically and realistically… so he asked his dad. His dad said, “Well, go ask your mom if she would sleep with the mail man for $1,000,000. He went and asked and came back and said, […]
> > >