SmijSe.com ~ engleski

Paid for Sex

A friend and her husband were participating in a blood drive, and as part of the prescreening process, an elderly volunteer was asking some questions.
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A Duck Goes to the Market

One day, a duck went into a Market. The duck said to the Market owner, Do you have any bread? The Market owner said, No. Get outta here right now.
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Little Billy

Little Billy'came home from school to see the family's pet rooster dead in the front yard. Rigor mortis had set in and it was flat on its back with its legs in the air.
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Using your wife

A man received a message from his neighbour: “Sorry sir, I am using your wife, day and night, when you are not present at home. In fact, much more than you do… I confess this now because I am feeling very much guilty. I hope you will accept my sincere apologies.” The man shot the […]
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Pendulum

A lady hypnotised the whole audience in a hall with a pendulum. Suddenly, the pendulum fell down, and she said “Oh! Fuck!” Imagine the mess after that.
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Magician

A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The audience would be different each week, so the magician allowed himself to do the same tricks over and over again. There was only one problem: The captain’s parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician did every trick. […]
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Prostitute

A guy is hanging out in his favorite bar when he spots a fabulous babe walking in on the arm of some ugly schlep. He asks the bartender about her and is surprised to discover that she’s a prostitute. He watches her the rest of the night, amazed that someone so attractive could be available […]
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Rolex

A Greek parks his brand new Porsche in front of the office to show it off to his colleagues.
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Tom

An airplane takes off from the airport. The captain is Jewish and the First Officer is Chinese.
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Mother Nature’s Punishment

Two friends went out golfing and their tee shots were horrible. One guy hit it way left, the other way right. They decided that the shots were so bad that they’d just meet up at the hole. So the first guy looks and looks and finally finds his ball sitting down deep in a field […]
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Peanuts

One night a man and a woman were watching television and eating peanuts. And he was tossing them in the air and catching them with his mouth. And in the middle of catching one, the wife asked him a question. He turned his head and the peanut fell straight in his ear. They tried and […]
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Love dress

A woman stopped by unannounced at her recently married son’s house. She rang the doorbell and walked in. She was shocked to see her daughter-in-law­ lying on the couch, totally naked. Soft music was playing and the aroma of perfume filled the room. “What are you doing?” she asked. “I’m waiting for my husband to […]
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