Using your wife
A man received a message from his neighbour: “Sorry sir, I am using your wife, day and night, when you are not present at home. In fact, much more than you do… I confess this now because I am feeling very much guilty. I hope you will accept my sincere apologies.”
The man shot the wife.
A few minutes later he received another message:
“Fucking autocorrect: wifi, not wife!”