SmijSe.com ~ english

An airplane takes off from the airport. The captain is Jewish and the First Officer is Chinese.

Two friends went out golfing and their tee shots were horrible. One guy hit it way left, the other way right. They decided that the shots were so bad that they’d just meet up at the hole. So the first guy looks and looks and finally finds his ball sitting down deep in a field […]

One night a man and a woman were watching television and eating peanuts. And he was tossing them in the air and catching them with his mouth. And in the middle of catching one, the wife asked him a question. He turned his head and the peanut fell straight in his ear. They tried and […]

A woman stopped by unannounced at her recently married son’s house. She rang the doorbell and walked in. She was shocked to see her daughter-in-law­ lying on the couch, totally naked. Soft music was playing and the aroma of perfume filled the room. “What are you doing?” she asked. “I’m waiting for my husband to […]

By the time a Marine pulled into a little town, every hotel room was taken. “You’ve got to have a room somewhere,” he pleaded. “Or just a bed, I don’t care where.” “Well, I do have a double room with one occupant, a Navy guy,” admitted the manager, “and he might be glad to split […]

A driver is pulled over by a policeman. The police man approaches the driver’s door. “Is there a problem Officer?” The policeman says, “Sir, you were speeding. Can I see your licence please?” The driver responds, “I’d give it to you but I don’t have one.” “You don’t have one?” The man responds, “I lost […]

A little boy came home from school and his homework assignment was to find out what the difference was between hypothetically and realistically… so he asked his dad. His dad said, “Well, go ask your mom if she would sleep with the mail man for $1,000,000. He went and asked and came back and said, […]

A man gets on a bus, and ends up sitting next to a very attractive nun. Enamored with her, he asks if he can have sex with her. Naturally, she says no, and gets off the bus. The man goes to the bus driver and asks him if he knows of a way for him […]

A man and his wife in court getting a divorce – the problem was who should get custody of the child. The wife jumped up an said: – Your Honour. I brought the child into the world with pain and labour. She should be in my custody. The judge turns to the husband and says: […]

The judge frowned at the tired robber and said: “Then you admit breaking into the same store on three successive nights?” ”Yes, your honor.” “And why was that?” “Because my wife wanted a dress.” The judge check with his records. “But it says here you broke in three nights in a row!” “Yes sir. She […]

A husband was having great difficulty getting along with his wife – nothing but arguing and friction – so he decided to consult a marriage counselor. After they had talked for a while, the counselor said, “I suggest that you run five miles each day for a week. Then please call me back.” A week […]

A guy is reading his paper when his wife walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head with a frying pan. He asks, “What was that for?” She says, “I found a piece of paper in your pocket with ‘Betty Sue’ written on it.” He says, “Jeez, honey, remember last […]